I AM
I am the f**ked and fascinated
of the cruel intentions that exist
a troublesome instigator of a horrible time

the killer of the best years
of my sweets happiness
the addicted alcoholic
the swimmer deep infested
with the vomit and blood
of the good people
who walk the streets
after a good night

i am the filthy mouthed saint
who blames his obbessions on the unprovoked
passer by

i am the marked and tormentor
of the civilized beauty
that is tortured by the likes of i

i am the spitter at the good hearted
and the one who loves me
with my adolescent jealousy
causing an uncontrollable hate

i am the unhappy sadistic loner
wishing for some content
looking at the sky

i am the believer who doesn't believe
that his prays are heard
just another reason for me to blame again

i am the c**t that doesn't realize what i have
until i have pushed it all away

i am the one who sits here alone
hoping for forgiveness i don't desearve
for the things i do wrong.

i most hate
i am the disgracer
of beauty
that god made with all his love and care

the demon seed of the devil
who walks far and near

i destroy the true bonds
of love and happiness

i spit sin from my mouth
like a projectile vomiter

i long for change
deep down i care

but my fire is fueled
when beauty is near

i want to reach with embrace
but my arms are shackled

poison takes control
and my angers boils red

please someone help me
before i end up dead

i don't remember
my actions of cruelty

i don't remember
who takes over me

an alter ego of evil
spreading my venom

how much more
can anyone take

before i am left alone
with myself

the one
i most hate

No Better Day
i wait and wait
for you on this day

impatiently thinking
will you respond today

i don't deserve
a response or reply

i just hope in time
you forgive me
and understand I'll try

i am the man
who caused you pain

for this i hate myself
and your never to blame

i pushed and pushed
and i have driven you away

but without you my friend
no day is the same

the thought of you despising me
i do understand

but i really hope
you remember who i really am

i know that time may help you heal
but i hate the way
i make you feel

my heart bleeds
of my own doing

so i will wait patiently
for your forgiveness

i hope
i pray this doesn't push you further away

because without my
friend their is no better day

The One Last Breath
the moon shines bright
on my face
but there is no face
left to see
i drag my feet
across soft sea sand
hoping for someone
to lead me
but there is no one left
to here my cries
i cling to my Whiskey
the thing i most despise
my vision is wrong
but my thoughts are right
a fair maiden on the sea shore
singing a lullaby
step by step
a silhouette appears
a Mermaid
It cant be
but it is true what i see
i put close to my lips
another taste of the bottles poison
my heart rushes quicker
than the waves in the ocean
a soft wet hand
i feel on mine
a sound so beautiful
echoing in my mind
her touch is the blossom
of all flowers in the world
i fall to my knees
crippled by her beauty
i gather my strength
and all my might
to hold and be held
in the moonlight
i follow her deep
into the sea
i forget i cant swim
her beauty intoxicating me
i go deeper and deeper
into the dark where she calls
i am drowning slowly
but i have no fear left
her kiss was
one true gift
the one true love
the one last breath

COMPANION
i wish to write my life as a movie
where the hero will defeat the evil truly
where he will find the one he loves
a fairytale ending delivered by doves
forever they live happily ever after
where sadness is never echoed
just the sound of laughter
but this scenario is but a dream
an obsession of invention
that merely is a dream
i will meet my love
and send her to evil
make her sad and cry
and i be deceitful
i live a life of a man
saddened by his own dream
knowing that one day
i will be judged and deemed
why must i be
the b*****d companion